Unwell
by SweetestAgony
Summary: Remus' thoughts on being a Werewolf. Complete, One-Shot


Unwell

Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters, places, etc. not mine. Song, also not mine, is Unwell by Matchbox Twenty.

A/N: Enjoy. This is going to be part of a new series I'm creating, which are songfics that focus on characters thoughts anywhere throughout the Harry Potter time line.

All day  
Staring at the ceiling  
Making friends with shadows on my wall

Remus Lupin was a werewolf, there was no denying the fact. He would, actually turn into a living, breathing, four-legged furry animal every month, as werewolves tend to do. There was nothing he could do to stop it, no matter how much he wanted to.

He had no friends. Everybody seemed to think he would eat them right there and then in broad daylight, which was totally preposterous. Mothers did not want their kids within five feet of Remus, forcing him to be home schooled. He remembered the long hours spent at home while his mother would teach him Muggle math, science, and literature. When his father got home, he would tell him stories about Hogwarts and the Wizarding World. He knew that his son had practically no chance of ever going to Hogwarts, but it was always nice to dream.

All night  
Hearing voices telling me  
That I should get some sleep  
Because tomorrow might be good for something

When the Hogwarts letter arrived in their mailbox, Laura and John Lupin could hardly believe it. They felt for sure that this was some extremely nasty joke that someone was playing on them. When they opened the letter, and they saw Deputy Headmistress McGonagall's signature at the bottom, they felt sure that their eyes were deceiving them. Would their poor son really be able to go to school? Was it to much to hope for? Remus remembered walking into the room at that moment, and inquiring as to who the letter was from. Before his parents could answer, their fireplace burst into green flames, and out stepped the Deputy Headmistress herself.

Remus remembered listening with growing excitement as she explained the precautions that were being taken so that he could attend school. Her remembered her leaning down so that her eyes were level with his, and telling him that he would have to obey the rules or, unfortunately, he would not be allowed to go to Hogwarts. He remembered telling her that he would never break the rules, and that he would be the best student she ever had, and that he would try very hard to do all his homework and get good marks on his tests. He remembered his father ruffling his hair fondly, and MsGonagall saying that she would see them on September 1st.

Hold on  
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a  
Breakdown  
I don't know why

Stepping through the barrier and onto Platform 9 and 3/4 was one moment that Remus knew for a fact he would never forget. His mother and father had kissed him goodbye, and he had boarded the Hogwarts Express feeling lonely and anxious. He recalled sitting down in an empty compartment, and pulling out _Hogwarts: A History_, wanting to know a bit about the place he was going. The compartment door had slid open, and a boy that resembled a rat had asked if he could sit across from him because everywhere else was full. Remus gladly agreed, at least he wouldn't be making the trip alone.

After they had arrived in Hogsmeade, Remus and they boy who's name he had learned was Peter followed an extremely large man down to a fleet of boats that were bobbing quietly on the still water. He and Peter had gotten in one, and a moment later, two other boys joined them. They introduced themselves as James Potter and Sirius Black. Remus had remembered his dad telling him all about the pure blood families, and how the Potter's had always opposed You-Know-Who, and how the Black's had always supported him. He found it very odd that these two people from two very different families seemed to be best mates already. But, he was not going to judge them because of something they had no control in. Being a werewolf and all, Remus had learned that there were lots of things people had no control in. And it was those things that people usually found themselves being judged by.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be

Remus' years at Hogwarts passed to quickly for his liking. For once in his life he had friends, and probably the best friends someone could ask for. He remembered fearing that his friends would abandon him once they learned of his problem, as they were bound to. It shouldn't take someone that long to realize that it wasn't just mere coincidence that his Aunt was sick every full moon, or that his family was having problems and he needed to return home immediately.

Therefore it had come as a great shock to him when James and Sirius had cornered him one night with Peter lurking in the background, and demanded to know if he was indeed a werewolf. He had murmured yes and tried to push past them so that he wouldn't have to see the hate and repulsion in their faces, only to be pulled back and assured that his friends were not going to leave him. What was more, they even told him of their plan to become animagi so that his nights on the full moon would be even more bearable. He had known that night that his friends were the best in the world.

Remus had always known he would never be able to marry or date, so it was with a little jealousy in his eyes that he watched as James finally went out with Lily Evans in their 7th year, but that jealousy had quickly been replaced with a new friendship, and Lily became an unofficial member of the Marauders.

Me  
Talking to myself in public  
Dodging glances on the train

They had all graduated Hogwarts with smiles on their faces, but Remus was quickly starting to wonder what he was going to do. No one seemed to want a werewolf in their employment. James, Sirius, and Peter had all entered the Auror training program, but only James and Sirius had managed to make it through, no matter how hard they had tried to get Peter ready for the vigorous tests.

James had finally proposed and married Lily, and they were married not two months later. Remus fondly remembered their beautiful wedding day, complete with Sirius standing up and giving a rather embarrassing speech under the influence of alcohol. Three months later James and Lily had announced that Lily was pregnant, and that soon there would be a little junior Marauder running around the house.

I know  
I know they've all been talking 'bout me  
I can hear them whisper  
And it makes me think there must be something wrong

Little Harry James Potter was born late at night on the last day of July, and his parents couldn't have been more excited. Remus remembered only to well James proudly telling everyone that would listen about how his little boy was going to be a natural at Quidditch, and how all of the girls were going to be following him around, what with his extremely good looking hair.

Lily had been a little more subdued, but that didn't stop her from commenting on how bright his eyes were every time they opened. Life had been good, and no one even mentioned his werewolf issue anymore, except on full moons.

The next day Remus recalled Professor Dumbledore coming in and explaining about the prophecy, and how the Potters would have to go into hiding. They chose Sirius as their secret keeper and moved to Godrics Hollow, where they lived for a year quite comfortably. The last time he had seen them was the day before Halloween, and how Remus wished he could go back to that day, where they had all been blissfully unaware that their lives were all going to be torn apart. The next day, Lily and James were dead, and Voldemort had vanished.

With me  
Out of all the hours thinking  
Somehow  
I've lost my mind

Remus was jerked out of his reminiscing when his class of 3rd years entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. How extraordinary that he was classified as a Dark Creature by the Ministry, and he was teaching how to avoid confrontations with, well, himself. He saw the messy head of black hair enter the room, followed by one with flaming red hair, and one with bushy brown. Harry Potter had grown quite a lot since he was born, but of course, what baby didn't? Harry had been enthralled when he had mentioned that he knew his parents, but he knew that he would probably run away from him if he knew the truth. Funny it was that his best friend's son had never heard of him before he became a teacher at Hogwarts.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be

Well, Harry knew, but he didn't run away. In fact, he had actually begged Remus to stay at Hogwarts. Remus would never admit it, but Harry's acceptance of him meant more to him that Harry would ever know.

I been talking in my sleep  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me  
Yeah, they're taking me away

Sirius was innocent after all, and Peter, that little _rat_, had escaped. Remus was heading over to Grimmauld Place where Sirius and him had agreed to meet, and he would finally have a home. He would finally belong somewhere, even if it was just temporary.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impairedI know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be

Remus had his friend back, and that was more than he could hope for. He also had Wolfsbane to help on those seemingly endless nights, and pretty soon Harry would be coming over along with the rest of the Order of the Phoenix. Voldemort was back, and the 2nd War wasn't far behind.

Being a werewolf wasn't nearly as problematic as it had been, but there wasn't a day that went by that Remus wished things had been different.

What a furry little problem indeed.

Hey, how I used to be  
How I used to be, yeah  
Well I'm just a little unwell  
How I used to be  
How I used to be

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